Blog #46

Navigating Christmas as a Filipino-Canadian: A Season That’s Masaya… Pero Minsan, Mabigat

Every year around this time, I notice something with many of my Filipino-Canadian clients. And honestly, I feel it in myself too. Christmas comes with a different kind of emotional mix for us. There’s excitement, joy, nostalgia… but also a quiet heaviness that’s hard to name.

It’s that feeling of being grateful for the life we’ve built here in Canada, while also longing for the warmth, noise, and closeness of the holidays back home. It’s the pressure to show up for family in two countries at once. It’s the expectations, the distance, the giving, the guilt, the memories, and the unspoken emotional labor that comes with being Filipino and Filipino abroad.

I wanted to write this because so many of us feel this weight but rarely talk about it. And if you’re noticing that the holidays bring up complex feelings, I want you to know: nothing is wrong with you. You’re simply navigating Christmas through culture, identity, family dynamics, and the values you grew up with.

So let’s talk about why Christmas can feel both masaya and mabigat for Filipino-Canadians, and why your experience makes so much sense.

“Why does Christmas feel different now?”

If you’re a Filipino-Canadian, you’ve probably felt it. Christmas here can be beautiful. Just look at the lights, the snow, the cozy vibes… but underneath the excitement, may konting bigat.

Masaya ka, pero may hinahanap ka. Kompleto ka, pero may lungkot pa rin.
You’re grateful, but there’s a quiet ache you can’t fully explain.

And honestly? Normal lang ‘yan.

Christmas hits differently when you grew up in the Philippines and now you’re celebrating in Canada. It’s just not the same. It’s not just “missing home”. It’s cultural identity, family dynamics, expectations, and the emotional weight of living between two worlds.

Kapwa Across Distance: When Your Heart Lives in Two Places

In Filipino psychology, kapwa is our shared sense of self, na kahit malayo, may koneksyon pa rin. But when you live abroad, kapwa becomes a tug-of-war in the heart.

You might be physically present here, but emotionally, you’re also with family back home. Even a simple dinner can feel bittersweet. Masaya, yes, but incomplete in a way you can’t always put into words.

There’s that quiet guilt of not being home, not being able to show up the same way you used to, and not being part of the noise, chaos, noche buena, hamonado, karaoke, pabitin, and closeness that once defined Christmas for you.

The Pressure to Give: When Love Meets Utang na Loob

Filipinos express love through giving: pasalubong, padala, pera, Christmas boxes. But for Filipino-Canadians, the pressure to give can feel heavier during the holidays.

You want to share what you have. You want to help. You want to send something meaningful.

But Canada is expensive. We earn in dollars, and we spend in dollars. The cost of living is expensive. Groceries, bills, rent - everything feels like a reminder that your resources also have limits.

Still, that internal voice whispers:
“Dapat may maipadala.”
“Dapat may ma-share.”
“Dapat may regalo.”
“Dapat alive pa rin ang Christmas spirit so dapat may ibibigay.”

And suddenly, generosity becomes a balancing act between love and survival.

Hiya, Image, and the Silent Pressure to “Look Okay”

Many Filipino-Canadians feel the pressure to show that life abroad is “worth it.” And having a snowy Christmas, with its gatherings, calls, and updates, often brings out the need to appear okay, successful, or stable.

You share the good news. You keep the harder parts to yourself. You smile even when you’re tired.

Because you don’t want to worry others. You don’t want judgment. You don’t want comparison.

Sometimes Christmas feels like presenting a curated version of yourself, even when your heart feels tender underneath.

Carrying Family on Your Shoulders Here and Back Home

Filipino-Canadians often take on the invisible role of being the “strong one”, the organizer, the problem-solver, the way-maker, the emotional anchor. And during Christmas, that emotional labor doubles.

You’re thinking about parents back home “Anak, huwag mong kame kakalimutan dito”. Kids here “Mommy, Daddy, can we go to Wonderland and see all the Christmas shows?”. Siblings who need support “Ate/Kuya yung pang tuition ko next sem ah?”. Cousins who expect something “Wow ate, size 10 ah? Pwede na din yung Hershey’s na chocolate.”.
Friends who hope you’ll show up “Hey, it’s our Christmas potluck party next week. You’re coming right?”.

It’s love, yes. But it’s also a lot.

There’s a kind of tiredness that comes with always holding everything together. Something many Filipino-Canadians feel but rarely talk about.

Missing the Noise You Grew Up With

Canadian holidays are beautiful. It’s mostly calm, peaceful, serene, cozy. But for someone who grew up in the Philippines… sometimes it’s too quiet.

Your body remembers Christmas in the Philippines. The chaos, Simbang Gabi, bibingka, paputok, carolling, dance parties, puto bumbong, karaoke, tita chika, inuman, overflowing food, and houses filled with people. Walang tulugan! Tuloy tuloy ang saya! Eating left overs for breakfast.

Christmas in Canada can bring a soft grief. A longing for the sensory abundance that once made holidays feel alive and happy.

Navigating Traditions When Raising Kids in Canada

If you’re a Filipino parent here, Christmas can highlight a deeper emotional layer:

Your kids won’t experience Christmas the way you did.

You try to recreate traditions, the food, the stories, the rituals, but you also know they’re growing up in a different culture. And sometimes that realization feels like a quiet loss, even when you love the life you’re building here.

You hold pride and grief at the same time.
Both are valid. Both are real.

Financial Stress + Filipino Expectations = December Burnout

In our culture, “giving” is more than tradition. Giving is about love, gratitude, and community.

But it’s also expensive.

And saying “I can’t” or “I need to limit myself” can feel like breaking cultural rules:
pakikisama
utang na loob
hiya
pamilya first

You want to give, but you also need to keep yourself afloat.

The emotional tug-of-war is real.

Wanting a Quiet Christmas… But Feeling Guilty About It

This might be the hardest part: Sometimes what you truly want is rest.

A quiet night. A smaller celebration. Less pressure. More peace. Tahimik lang. Low-key.

But guilt creeps in:
“Baka isipin nila nagbago na ako.”
“Baka isipin nila hindi ako marunong makisama.”
“Baka ma-disappoint sila.”

Boundaries during the holidays feel complicated when you're Filipino.

But you’re still allowed to choose what feels good for your mental health. Even at Christmas.

If Christmas Feels Heavy, You’re Not Broken. You’re Human.

Everything you’re feeling this season - the joy, the longing, the pressure, the homesickness - makes perfect sense!

You’re navigating identity, distance, culture, and love all at once.

You’re holding two countries, two families, two sets of expectations, and two versions of yourself.

Of course it feels emotional.
Of course it feels complex.
Of course it feels heavy sometimes.

There is nothing wrong with you.

A Gentle Moment to Slow Down

As the holidays unfold, maybe try asking yourself:

What do I actually need this Christmas?
Which traditions still bring me joy?
What can I let go of this year?
How can I honor my Filipino roots while protecting my mental health?

There is no “right” way to celebrate as a Filipino-Canadian.
There is only the version that feels authentic, grounded, and nourishing for you.

If You Need Space to Untangle These Feelings, I’m Here

Many Filipino-Canadians carry these holiday emotions alone, thinking they should “just be grateful.” But your feelings are real. And they deserve space, compassion, and support.

If you’d like a safe, culturally-attuned place to explore the heaviness, homesickness, or pressure you’re carrying this season, you’re welcome to connect or book a session with Growth Psychotherapy.

You don’t have to carry all of this by yourself.

Individual Therapy and Couples Therapy in Ontario, Canada by a Filipino-Canadian Therapist / Culturally-Sensitive Therapy / Therapy in Tagalog / Filipino Therapist / Tagalog Therapist