Blog #5

How Thoughts, Feelings, and Behaviors Work Together

Ever find yourself spiraling after one small thought, or reacting in a way that feels out of proportion, but you’re not sure why? You’re not alone. One of the most eye-opening things we explore in therapy is the connection between our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Once you start seeing the links, things begin to make a lot more sense and change starts to feel more possible.

Where It All Begins: Your Thoughts

Think of thoughts as your mind’s narrator. They shape the story you tell yourself, about who you are, what others think, and how the world works. Sometimes these thoughts are loud and obvious (“I’m such a failure”), and sometimes they’re quiet but powerful (“People can’t be trusted”).

These thoughts don’t come out of nowhere. They’re shaped by your past experiences, cultural messages, trauma, upbringing—all the things you’ve lived through. And over time, they can start to feel like truth, even when they’re not.

In therapy, we often pause here and ask: What story is your mind telling you right now? And is it helpful or harmful?

Emotions: Your Inner Alarm System

Our feelings often get a bad rap, especially the heavy ones like sadness, anger, or anxiety. But emotions are actually messengers. They help you understand what matters to you and signal when something needs attention.

Here’s the thing: feelings are often triggered by our thoughts. If you believe you’ve let someone down, you might feel guilt or shame. If you think a situation is unsafe, your body might respond with fear or panic, even if the threat isn’t actually there.

Learning to listen to your emotions without letting them run the show is a skill. One we build together in therapy.

Behavior: The Actions That Follow

So you’ve got thoughts influencing feelings… and then those feelings often drive behavior.

Let’s say you're feeling anxious about a social gathering. If your go-to thought is, “I’m going to say something stupid,” you might feel dread or panic, and then decide to cancel last-minute. The more this cycle repeats, the more it reinforces the belief that social settings are dangerous or that you don’t belong.

On the flip side, challenging that thought, tolerating some discomfort, and showing up just a little bit differently? That can start to shift the whole pattern.

The Loop: Thoughts → Feelings → Behavior (And Back Again)

This is one of those lightbulb moments in therapy for a lot of people: realizing that your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are connected in a loop. Each one influences the others:

• Your thoughts shape how you feel.

• Your feelings influence what you do.

• Your behaviors reinforce the stories you tell yourself.

And here’s the good news: if you change one part of the loop, the others can start to shift too.

So… What Do You Do With This?

In therapy, we work with this connection to help you notice, interrupt, and rewrite unhelpful patterns. That might look like:

• Learning to catch negative or distorted thoughts before they spiral.

• Developing tools to regulate emotions so you don’t feel hijacked by them.

• Making conscious behavioral choices based on your values, not just your fears.

You don’t have to change everything overnight. Even small shifts like being kinder to yourself after a mistake or showing up to a hard conversation can start to rewire the way you experience your world.

Final Thoughts: You’re Allowed to Grow at Your Own Pace

Understanding how your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors work together doesn’t mean you’ll suddenly feel in control of everything (wouldn’t that be nice?). But it does mean you can start to respond more intentionally instead of reacting on autopilot.

And that’s where growth happens—in those small moments of awareness and choice.

In my work as a therapist, I often remind clients: you’re not broken. You’ve developed patterns that made sense in certain chapters of your life. Now, you get to decide if those patterns still serve you—and if not, we can explore what might work better.

Curious to explore how this loop shows up in your life? Therapy can be a space to untangle the knots and learn new ways of relating to yourself and the world. If that sounds like something you're ready for, I’d be honoured to support you on the journey.