Blog #6
Being Kinder to Yourself: Why Self-Compassion Matters (More Than You Might Think)
If you’ve ever found yourself saying things like “I should’ve known better” or “Why can’t I just get it together?”—you’re in good company. Most of us are far more compassionate with others than we are with ourselves. But here’s the thing: the way you talk to yourself matters. A lot.
In therapy, one of the biggest shifts we work toward isn’t just managing symptoms. It’s changing how you relate to yourself. And self-compassion is at the heart of that work.
What Is Self-Compassion?
Self-compassion is about treating yourself with the same kindness and care you'd offer a close friend who’s struggling. Not in a fluffy, self-indulgent way, but in a deeply human, grounded, “I’m doing the best I can” kind of way.
Dr. Kristin Neff, who’s done some incredible research on this, breaks self-compassion down into three main parts:
Self-kindness – Speaking to yourself with warmth instead of criticism when things go wrong.
Common humanity – Remembering that struggle is part of being human. You’re not alone in your pain.
Mindfulness – Noticing what you’re feeling without ignoring it or letting it completely take over.
In other words, it’s not about pretending everything’s okay. It’s about being honest with yourself, while still being gentle.
Why It’s So Hard (But So Worth It)
For many of us, especially those who grew up in environments where love felt conditional, or where criticism was the norm, self-compassion doesn’t come naturally. Maybe you believe being hard on yourself is how you stay motivated. Or maybe self-kindness feels… uncomfortable. Even selfish.
But here’s the truth: being compassionate toward yourself doesn’t weaken you. It actually strengthens you.
Self-compassion helps you:
Lower stress and anxiety by softening that inner pressure to always be “doing better”
Bounce back from mistakes without spiraling into shame
Regulate emotions in a way that feels steady and safe
Connect more authentically with others (because you’re not constantly fighting yourself inside)
It’s not just good for your mental health. It’s foundational to long-term healing.
What It Looks Like in Real Life
Self-compassion isn’t just something you “think”, but it’s something you practice. It shows up in the little moments. Like when:
You catch a critical thought (“I’m so behind”) and gently reframe it (“I’m doing what I can with what I have right now”)
You let yourself cry instead of pushing it down or judging it
You choose rest instead of overcommitting
You set a boundary—not out of punishment, but out of respect for your limits
You reach out for support when things feel too heavy to carry alone
In therapy, we often slow things down and look at the stories you’ve internalized about being “too much,” “not enough,” or needing to “earn” your worth. Then, little by little, we start to untangle those stories and practice responding with more compassion and care.
A Gentle Reminder: You Don’t Have to Earn Your Right to Be Kind to Yourself
There’s no gold star for being the hardest on yourself. And healing isn’t something you have to deserve.
Self-compassion is a practice. It’s messy and nonlinear. Some days it’ll feel easier than others. That’s okay.
You’re allowed to learn. You’re allowed to rest. You’re allowed to start again.
So, how would it feel to meet yourself with more kindness today?
If you’re curious about what self-compassion might look like in your own healing journey, therapy can be a space to explore that—without judgment, without pressure, and with a lot more humanity.
Whenever you're ready, I'm here.
