Blog #44
Tiis Lang No More: Healing Beyond Endurance
By Gelica Tatarenko - Filipino-Canadian Psychotherapist
The Silent Superpower We Grew Up With
If you grew up in a Filipino household, chances are you’ve heard these words more times than you can count:
“Tiis lang.”
“Just endure.”
“Wala ’yan.”
“Laban lang.”
For many of us, tiis was our quiet superpower. The unspoken rule that kept families strong through financial hardship, migration, and sacrifice. It’s how our parents worked double shifts, how our lolas cared for entire households, how we survived years of homesickness and transitions in a new country.
But when life in Canada starts to feel heavy with work stress, loneliness, caregiving, or emotional exhaustion, that same tiis lang can begin to wear us down.
When “Tiis Lang” Turns Into Emotional Numbing
Tiis is rooted in lakas ng loob, or inner strength, a beautiful part of Sikolohiyang Pilipino (Filipino Psychology). It reflects our capacity to persevere, to find meaning in hardship. But when it becomes the only coping tool we know, it can morph into quiet suffering.
You might recognize this in yourself if:
You tell yourself “others have it worse” “mas mahirap ang pinagdadaanan nga ang iba” whenever you feel sad or overwhelmed.
You keep pushing through burnout because resting feels selfish or we might be told we are “tamad”.
You smile and say “okay lang ako,” even when your chest feels tight.
You feel guilty and not deserving for wanting more of rest, joy, or softness when your parents endured so much less.
In therapy, this is something I hear often: “I should be grateful. My parents worked harder than I ever will.”
Gratitude is beautiful, but it shouldn’t come at the cost of self-compassion.
The Cultural Story Beneath Endurance
Tiis lang didn’t come from nowhere. It’s woven into our history, born from colonization, poverty, migration, and collective survival. We learned that showing emotion could be dangerous. That complaining made us “mahina” (weak). That rest was for the privileged.
In Sikolohiyang Pilipino, this ties to the concept of kapwa or our shared identity. We endure not just for ourselves, but for our families and our community.
But in the process, we often lose our pakikiramdam, our sensitivity to our own emotional needs and connection to our own bodies.
We become masters of empathy for others and strangers to ourselves.
Healing Beyond Endurance
Healing doesn’t mean rejecting tiis lang, it means evolving it. It’s about transforming endurance into balance, and strength into wholeness.
In therapy, this might look like:
Reclaiming your right to rest. Learning that pahinga (rest) isn’t laziness, but a resistance to a cycle that says you must always be strong.
Practicing self-compassion. Talking to yourself the way you comfort a friend or a kapwa.
Honouring your story. Naming how endurance served you then, but how it might be hurting you now.
Learning new ways to cope. Not just pushing through, but feeling through.
Imagine if lakas ng loob wasn’t just about carrying weight, but also about allowing lightness.
Tiis Lang… But With Kindness
So maybe we don’t need to throw tiis lang away. Maybe we just need to soften it.
Maybe it becomes:
Tiis lang, pero may pahinga. (Endure, but also rest.)
Tiis lang, pero kasama ang iba, may dasal, at therapy. (Endure, but also seek help.)
Tiis lang, pero may kwento. (Endure, but tell your story.)
Because healing isn’t about proving how strong you are. It is about remembering that you’ve always been worthy of ease, comfort, and safety too.
If This Resonates…
If you grew up with tiis lang as your mantra and you’re realizing it’s no longer serving you, you’re not alone. Many Filipino-Canadians carry this quiet strength, but we can learn new ways of coping, ways that honour our culture while allowing us to breathe.
Whether it is within the individual therapy sessions or couples therapy sessions, therapy can be a space to explore this with someone who understands both Sikolohiyang Pilipino and the immigrant experience.
You’ve endured enough. It’s time to learn how to rest, too.
Individual Therapy and Couples Therapy in Ontario, Canada by a Filipino-Canadian Therapist / Culturally-Sensitive Therapy / Therapy in Tagalog
