Blog #34
The Hidden Cost of Overworking and Overachieving: How Trauma Shapes Our Drive for Success
In a society that prioritizes productivity and constant success, it's not uncommon for individuals to push themselves relentlessly toward their goals, often at the cost of their well-being. For some, this drive to overwork and overachieve isn't simply a matter of ambition—it’s a trauma response deeply rooted in their past. In this blog post, we’ll explore how overworking and overachieving can be linked to trauma, the psychological theories that explain these tendencies, and how trauma therapy can help individuals in Ontario, Canada, break free from this exhausting cycle.
Overworking and Overachieving: A Trauma Response
Overworking and overachieving are often seen as signs of a strong work ethic or ambition. However, for many people, these behaviors mask deeper issues that stem from past trauma. Trauma, particularly complex trauma, can significantly shape how individuals relate to work, success, and achievement.
When a person experiences trauma—especially in childhood—it can lead to the development of unconscious coping mechanisms. For those who grew up in environments where love, safety, and emotional connection were inconsistent or unreliable, there can be a strong desire to prove one's worth, not just to others, but to oneself. This desire to "prove" something often manifests as overworking and perfectionism.
Attachment theory, a psychological model developed by John Bowlby, offers key insights into why some individuals might develop a compulsion to overwork and overachieve. Attachment theory posits that the bonds we form with our caregivers during childhood shape how we view ourselves and others throughout life. If a child experiences insecure attachment (for example, neglect, emotional unavailability, or inconsistency), they may grow up with a deep fear of abandonment or a pervasive sense of inadequacy.
For individuals with insecure attachment styles, overworking can be a way to avoid feelings of vulnerability or inadequacy. They might believe that if they are always performing, they will earn love, respect, and validation—something they may not have received consistently as children. This need for external validation, stemming from attachment wounds, can lead to an unrelenting drive for success. In this way, overworking becomes a way of soothing the emotional pain associated with their trauma, as it offers external rewards that may feel like a substitute for the love and care they missed out on.
Complex trauma, which often results from prolonged or repeated exposure to traumatic events, can also play a role in overworking and overachieving. Unlike a single traumatic event, complex trauma typically involves emotional, physical, or sexual abuse, neglect, or chronic stress over an extended period. This type of trauma can have a lasting impact on an individual’s self-worth, emotional regulation, and ability to trust others.
For those with complex trauma, the need to overachieve can stem from the belief that their worth is contingent on their accomplishments. This is often a survival mechanism developed in childhood, where performance was a way to gain attention, love, or protection from caregivers. As a result, overworking becomes a compulsive behavior driven by the need to secure safety and love—often unconsciously.
How Trauma Impacts Work-Life Balance
The impact of trauma on work-life balance can be profound. Overworking can lead to burnout, chronic stress, and anxiety, making it difficult for individuals to sustain their drive over time. Additionally, the need to overachieve can create emotional and relational distance from others. Individuals who are constantly striving for success may neglect their own needs, as well as their relationships, leading to feelings of isolation and exhaustion.
This cycle can be difficult to break without professional support. Therapy, particularly trauma-informed therapy, can be a crucial step in healing from the underlying trauma and developing healthier coping strategies.
How Therapy Can Help
If you find yourself overworking or constantly striving for perfection, it’s essential to understand that this behavior is likely a coping mechanism—a response to trauma, not a reflection of who you truly are. A trauma therapist can help you explore the root causes of these tendencies and begin the healing process.
Trauma therapy focuses on helping individuals process and integrate the emotional and psychological effects of trauma. Some therapeutic approaches that may be beneficial for those dealing with overworking and overachievement as a trauma response include:
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT helps individuals recognize and challenge unhealthy thought patterns that contribute to overworking and perfectionism. It can also help individuals develop healthier coping strategies.
Somatic Therapy: This approach focuses on the body’s response to trauma and aims to release stored tension, stress, and emotional pain. For those who experience trauma’s impact on their physical health, somatic therapy can provide relief and healing.
Attachment-Based Therapy: Attachment-based therapy helps individuals understand how early attachment experiences influence their current relationships and behaviors. This can be particularly useful for those who overwork as a way to gain love or approval, as therapy can help them develop healthier relational patterns.
Through therapy, individuals can learn to connect their overworking tendencies with past experiences, giving them the insight needed to break the cycle. Therapy also offers a safe space to process emotions, set healthy boundaries, and explore new, more effective ways of coping with stress and anxiety.
Moving Toward Healing
While overworking and overachieving may have been helpful survival strategies in the past, they can no longer serve the same purpose in adulthood. Healing from trauma requires compassion, patience, and the willingness to let go of behaviors that no longer serve you. By working with a trauma therapist, you can begin to unpack the roots of your drive for success and develop healthier, more sustainable ways of engaging with the world.
If you’re struggling with overworking or perfectionism as a result of trauma, know that you’re not alone, and there is help available. Therapy can be a transformative journey toward reclaiming your life, healing old wounds, and finding peace within yourself.
