Blog #34
The Hidden Cost of Overworking and Overachieving: How Trauma Shapes Our Drive for Success
In today’s culture, where productivity and achievement are often king, it’s easy to fall into the trap of pushing ourselves harder and harder. Maybe you’re one of those people who always goes the extra mile, works late, and sets sky-high standards. On the surface, this might look like ambition or a strong work ethic. However, for many, this drive to overwork isn’t just about wanting success. It’s actually a response rooted deeply in past trauma.
If you’ve ever felt like your need to overachieve is exhausting or even overwhelming, you’re not alone. And understanding the connection between trauma and overworking can be a powerful step toward healing.
Overworking and Overachieving: More Than Just Ambition
At first glance, working hard and striving for success seem like positive traits. But sometimes, these behaviors hide a deeper story. Especially for those who experienced trauma in childhood or difficult environments growing up, overworking can be a way to cope with feelings of insecurity, fear, or not feeling “good enough.”
Think about this: If love, safety, or emotional support felt unpredictable or conditional as a kid, it’s natural to try to prove your worth by being perfect or always “doing more.” This isn’t just about ambition. It’s a survival strategy.
What Does Attachment Theory Tell Us?
Attachment theory, developed by John Bowlby, helps us understand how our early relationships shape who we become. If your caregivers were emotionally unavailable, inconsistent, or critical, you might have developed what’s called an insecure attachment style. This can leave you with a deep fear of abandonment or a constant feeling that you’re not enough.
For many with insecure attachment, overworking becomes a way to manage those fears. The message might be: “If I perform perfectly, I’ll be loved and accepted.” Over time, that drive can turn into a compulsion that’s exhausting and emotionally costly.
When Complex Trauma Fuels Overachievement
For folks who’ve experienced complex trauma (repeated or ongoing trauma like neglect, abuse, or chronic stress), this connection can be even stronger.
In these cases, overachieving isn’t just about success; it’s about survival. Performance might have been the way to get attention, safety, or protection when you were a child. So, even as an adult, that need to “earn” love or safety through achievement can feel automatic and impossible to turn off.
The Toll on Your Work-Life Balance and Well-Being
While pushing yourself can sometimes bring results, overworking can quickly lead to burnout, chronic anxiety, and strained relationships. You might notice feeling emotionally drained, disconnected from loved ones, or like you’re running on empty, but feeling like you can’t slow down.
This cycle is hard to break on your own, and ignoring it often means the costs keep piling up.
How Therapy Can Help You Break Free
Here’s the truth: If you’re caught in overworking and perfectionism, it’s likely a coping mechanism—not who you really are. Trauma therapy offers a compassionate space to explore what’s driving these patterns and begin healing from the root.
Some approaches that can support this healing include:
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Helps you notice and challenge the beliefs and thoughts that keep you stuck in overwork and perfectionism.
Somatic Therapy: Focuses on how trauma affects your body, helping release tension and stress held physically.
Attachment-Based Therapy: Explores how your early relationships shape your current need to “prove” yourself and helps build healthier ways to connect.
Therapy can guide you to understand your patterns, set boundaries, process emotions, and develop new, gentler ways to relate to yourself and your work.
Moving Toward a Healthier, Happier You
While overworking may have once kept you safe, it no longer serves you in adulthood. Healing takes time, kindness, and the courage to let go of habits that drain you.
If you find yourself stuck in this exhausting cycle, know that support is available. With trauma-informed care, you can reclaim your life, nurture your well-being, and find peace beyond the pressure to always achieve.
If this resonates with you, I’m here to help you navigate this journey. Together, we can explore the roots of your drive and work toward a balanced, fulfilling life. One where success isn’t defined by exhaustion but by genuine well-being.
